"The Zapper"

You know that feeling you have when you just know that God is trying to speak to you, but you have no clue what it is He is trying to say?? Well, that's been me the past week or so. But at 3:30 this morning, He spoke to me. I'm not sure why He chose to lay this on my heart that early in the morning, because He knows I need my sleep! Anyway, I was awake for an hour with this thought. And I'm sure He's not done speaking to me yet.

I don't have an official name for these, but think about the "bug zappers" for a minute...you know, the ones that zap mosquitoes and possibly other creatures? I may not see when they get zapped, but I can sure hear it and it doesn't sound pleasant. Those "bug zappers" literally suck the life right out of those things! So in thinking about this from 3:30-4:30 this morning, I realized that this is how I have been feeling lately. Not just lately, but for a long time now. I feel "zapped"...like my joy and my passion has literally been sucked right out of me! You ever feel like that?

I can tell you why I feel this way and it's not going to sound very nice at all, (especially coming from the wife of a preacher) but I'm just being honest. Here it is: PEOPLE. Yes, you read that right...people literally suck the life, the joy, the passion right out of me at times. Now I'm not talking about just anybody, I'm only referring to those that call themselves Christians, but based on their actions, don't show that they truly are Christ-followers. Let me explain...

The past 2 years of my life have been very difficult...for many reasons, but I'm not going to go into all of that. WITH GOD'S HELP, I've been able to overcome a lot of it because I know He is right beside me through it all, and He has been my faithful God! But one thing that I am having difficulty "getting over" is the constant criticism, slander and gossip that these "Christians" are spending their time with. It has zapped me with (almost) everything that I have. It makes me feel like I need to defend myself...but then I'm reminded that there's no need for that because God is my Defender. He handles things and people way better than I ever could! I'm going to say it, though I'm sure I will have some disagree with me...can you truly call yourself a Christian if this is what you are doing?

I have been frustrated with myself for allowing my thoughts to be consumed by these people. It's really a waste of my time. I know why I allow those thoughts or people's opinions (though wrong ones) to affect me though. The following is from a book called "Abba's Child" written by Brennan Manning.

"This fear of ridicule paralyzes more effectively than would a head-on attack or an outspoken harsh criticism. How much good is left undone because of our fear of the opinion of others! We are immobilized by the thought: what will others say? The irony of all this is that the opinions we fear most are not those of people we really respect, yet these same persons influence our lives more than we want to admit. This enervating fear of our peers can create an appalling mediocrity."

The above is so true. I think I do better with a harsh word spoken to my face versus the behind-your-back slander. And by the way, what a cowardly way of doing things! I know in my own life, there's things that God wants me to do right now that would do so much good, but because of fear and the passion being zapped right out of me, I hold back. I have to get past that! Why in the world do we spend so much time on thinking about what others think of us? Especially the ones whose opinions don't matter? Let's face it...they are not trying to bring out the good in you, only harm. That's not the ways of God. And in the end, it will only hurt themselves. As long as God is proud of me, nothing else matters. Instead of focusing my energy on the negative that people say about me, I try and remember all the good that God has given me and the many friends and family I have that are so encouraging to me! (Thank you if you are one of those!)

I also was reminded this morning after finally asking God, "What is it you want to tell me? God, take this mess and do something with it."...that "the joy of the Lord is my strength" (Nehemiah 8:10). It's true. I will get my strength from having joy in God. And that it's my choice to allow other people to zap or drain my joy and my passion that I have for God, people and ministry. My choice, not theirs. I forget that sometimes. And I need reminded from time to time that happiness is not the same as joy. I can still have joy even in the midst of turmoil around me. And I have joy because I know I am in God's will, doing what I know is right, even...no especially, when I'm being zapped. Satan uses people to do this...and he's pretty good at it sometimes, but my God is bigger, and my God's "zapper" is stronger than his!

I shared a little about what "zaps" me...what about you? Remember that in your days of feeling like this, where you are not sure you will ever get past it or feel whole again, God will restore you back to new life!

"...the joy of the Lord is your strength."
Nehemiah 8:10